The Quest of the Banana
by Fiction Addict Association
Summary: WARNING: Inside is a twisted random story. We just wanted to have a random muse, so here you go! DISCLAIMER: Lord of the Rings content (c) J.R.R. Tolkien. Harry Potter content (c) J.K. Rowling. EVERYTHING ELSE IS OURS!
1. Chapter 1

The Quest of the Banana!  
  
Book 1: Whoa! What the Heck is That?  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Cordelia sat at her "Pretty Princess" vanity set. "But daddy, I don't wanna go to Mirkwood! It's icky and the trees never turn gold!"  
  
"You fool! You must go!" said her father.  
  
"Sheesh." She said, continuing to brush her hair. "It's all icky and orc- infested."  
  
"Duh." He said. She had to go. Suddenly, a random ringwraith came out and yelled.  
  
"I am Meep! The seventh Ringwraith! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" And he kidnapped Cordelia. Randomly.  
  
"EW! Ringwraith!" She screamed, being carried away. "Let me go! I'll be your best friend!"  
  
"I only have one friends!"  
  
"Who's that?"  
  
"What! It's a what! You'll hurt his feelings!" With that, he pulled out a stuffed sock monkey.  
  
"So, where are you taking me?"  
  
"Mirkwood."  
  
"I have to go there anyway."  
  
"Darn." He said. "But I have to go pick up my dry-cleaning. Where do you have to go?"  
  
"The Village."  
  
"K. I'll drop you off there."  
  
"I thought you were going to kidnap me."  
  
"I WAS going to."  
  
"Some evil villain you are!"  
  
"Shush! I don't want him to hear!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
Meep pointed to his sock. "him!"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Oh boy."  
  
Just then Brooke-the-random yelled "HIYA EVERYBODY!"  
  
Then Xylia and Näkuri came out of nowhere in particular. "Welcome to Mirkwood! We are from Fanghorn! We have gone to see the prince! I ride my horse, Aura" Said one of them. The same one spoke again. "I am Xylia. This is Näkuri." She smiled.  
  
"Well, what do you know? So am I. Not from Fanghorn, icky! I mean, I'm looking for the prince. Father says maybe I shall marry him someday, like, cool!"  
  
Then Sofia walked over. :I am Sofia. I am looking for the prince. How the heck are you supposed to get around this godforsaken place?"  
  
"Hey Drow, nice elven name." Said Xylia.  
  
"Hey Hobbit, I was abandoned and named by humans"  
  
"It's elbit. I am an elf-hobbit!" said Xylia.  
  
"Everybody knows." Said Näkuri.  
  
Brooke tapped Sofia on the shoulder "Guess what?"  
  
Sofia turned around seeing nothing. Soon a voice could be heard through the woods. "I HAVE PURPLE SHOES!!!"  
  
Everybody sat down and had some cheese.  
  
"Pinkie out!" said Cordelia to Sofia.  
  
Then Meep said "Quiet! He will hear you."  
  
Then, Näkuri asked, "who?"  
  
Meep pointed to his sock. "him!"  
  
And then Cordelia said "Shh!" And there was much rejoicing. "Ew! It's a tinge of green!" yelled Xylia.  
  
"What is?" asked Sofia.  
  
"Your face!" exclaimed Xylia.  
  
"Ya likie? It's green 401 in Chanel." Sofia said.  
  
"Penguin!" yelled Legolas as he crept up on them.  
  
"Legos Lass?" said Brooke. "Where did he come from?"  
  
Everybody sat down and had tea and crumpets. Then they rejoiced for the holy god had blessed them with some cheese. Then they all hopped around on one foot and were magically transported to the Mirkwood castle. Where Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Merry, Gandalf, and Thranduil were waiting. Randomly. Then a faint sound could be heard throughout the forest. "I have a wedgie!" And then they sat down and ate fermented yeast and bean stalks. 


	2. Chapter 2

The Quest of the Banana!  
  
Book 1: Whoa! What the Heck is That?  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Thranduil looked out the window. "Why is it that when people picture me, I'm old looking?"  
  
"Because you're.. old?" said Xylia.  
  
"Yes, but you see, us elves don't age."  
  
"Speak for yourself, I am an ELBIT!"  
  
"ANYWAY, we only become more attractive as we grow."  
  
"Does that mean your more attractive than Legolas?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"But one question."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"What happened to Elrond?"  
  
"Either something went terribly wrong, or he was one ugly elf baby."  
  
"But he looks nice in pink."  
  
"True."  
  
Just then, there was this uber-random voice. "Mr. Stickley likes fish!"  
  
Everybody sat down and had some pizza, because everybody knows the saying "why would I have sanity, when I can have pizza instead?"  
  
"Wanna go bungee jumping?" asked Näkuri.  
  
"Sure!" said Xylia.  
  
"Meep." Said Frodo.  
  
"You rang?" said Meep.  
  
"Nice sock ya got there." Said Pippin.  
  
"He is a monkey!" said Meep, covering the stuffed sock's "ears". "You'll hurt his feelings!"  
  
"I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry!" said pippin.  
  
"POTATOES!" yelled Sam.  
  
"That was SO random" said Merry.  
  
"Duh." Said Aragorn.  
  
Then Näkuri and Xylia bungeed off a cliff.  
  
"Finally! I am rid of the fangirl!" said Legolas.  
  
"Yeah. Same here." Said Pippin.  
  
"You're supposed to love me, NOW ACT LIKE IT!" said Xylia to Pippin.  
  
"Ditto, Legolas!" said Näkuri.  
  
Then all of a sudden, Legolas fangirl #489721394 said "What's. . . that. . . . word. . . . again. . . .?"  
  
"Um. . . . hi?" said Sofia.  
  
"Right. Hi! Legolas!" said fangirl #489721394  
  
"Um . . . . hi?" said Legolas.  
  
"He said hi! I am yours forever!" said the fangirl.  
  
Legolas got scared. Sofia punched her. The fangirl went away.  
  
Just then, Sauron randomly walked in. "Sofia, I am your father!"  
  
"Cool beans!" said Cordelia.  
  
"No wonder he hates elves." Said Xylia.  
  
"I refuse to be called ugly! I am a que-king!" said Elrond.  
  
"Little slow, huh?" said Näkuri.  
  
"Quiet! He will hear you!" said Meep.  
  
"Hello? Evil dark lord here!" said Sauron.  
  
"Sheesh. You should be known as he-with-big-ego." Said Xylia.  
  
"Hurtfulness!" said Sauron, then he left.  
  
"Que-king here!" said Elrond.  
  
"Shut up, half-elf", said Thranduil.  
  
Then they all went to destroy the ring. Randomly.  
  
"I'm going to eeeeeaaaaaasssssssseeeeee myself into a cchhhhheeeeeeetoooooo" said Brooke. Then they all sat down to have elvish parsley. Then there was this giant spider.  
  
"MUAHAHAHA!" he/she said.  
  
"Hi, Shelob." Said Näkuri.  
  
"I am ARAGOG!" he said.  
  
"From Harry Potter?" asked Xylia.  
  
"Yes." He said.  
  
"Studio's that way." Said Legolas. He pointed left.  
  
"Thanks." And Aragog left.  
  
Then Galadriel stepped up and let everyone look in her mirror for no reason.  
  
"Hey!" said Xylia. "Since we started in Mirkwood, we can totally skip everything until . . . . . . Lothlórien!"  
  
"I don't want to go destroy a ring." Said Cordelia.  
  
So they decided to eat some grapes instead. 


	3. Chapter 3

The Quest of the Banana!  
  
Book 1: Whoa! What the Heck is That?  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"I'm bored" said Meep.  
  
"Me too." Said Näkuri.  
  
"Let's go on a journey!" suggested Xylia.  
  
"COOL!" said Thranduil.  
  
"Naw, you're too old." Said Legolas.  
  
"You're all old." Said Xylia.  
  
"E-L-V-E-S" said Näkuri.  
  
"Old geezers." Said Sofia.  
  
"You're an elf too. Drow is a dark elf." Said Gandalf.  
  
So they decided to go on a different journey. But they had to leave Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Merry, Sam, Gandalf, Legolas, Thranduil and Elrond behind cos they had to go on the journey of the ring.  
  
They stood on the very edges of the Mirkwood forest. "Well, here we are." Said Xylia. "Our journey has begun."  
  
'What's our journey about?" asked Cordelia.  
  
"Umm . . . a banana!" said Sofia.  
  
Then a sound could be heard throughout the woods. "Orange juice is expensive!"  
  
Then they ate some lembas. Then, they had to continue their journey. Then Xylia found a marker, a spoon, a hat box, and that plastic thing between the glasses.  
  
"Random!" yelled Meep.  
  
"That was random." Said Xylia.  
  
"Yes, that's what I said, RANDOM!" said Meep.  
  
"Shut up" said Sofia.  
  
Then Xylia opened up the hat box, and put the spoon, the marker, and the thing between the glasses in it. For no reason.  
  
For some reason, they got hungry. So Meep made some cookies.  
  
"EW! What's in these things?" asked Xylia.  
  
"Butternut and banana!" said Meep.  
  
"EW!" said everyone else.  
  
"stop it! You'll hurt his feelings!" said Meep, as he covered the sock monkey's "ears".  
  
"Why would it hurt his feelings?" asked Näkuri.  
  
"B-because!" said Meep. "He made them!"  
  
"Did not! You did!" Said Cordelia.  
  
"PROVE IT!" said Meep.  
  
"I can't, but my magic bracelet says so." Said Cordelia.  
  
There was silence, crickets chirped in the background and Meep munched on a cookie.  
  
"Did you say magic bracelet?" asked Sofia.  
  
"I did?" asked Cordelia.  
  
"Yes, you did say that!" said Näkuri.  
  
"Said what?" said Cordelia.  
  
"QUIET!" yelled Meep.  
  
Everyone stared at Meep.  
  
"Uh . . . . why?" said Xylia.  
  
"I don't know why, I just felt like saying something." Said Meep.  
  
Then Meep spit out the cookie. "These things ARE bad."  
  
"Quiet! You'll hurt his feelings!" said Sofia.  
  
Everyone stared at her. "SOMEONE had to say it!" she answered blandly.  
  
"Do you know how much we have gone?" asked Xylia. "Since we left Mirkwood?"  
  
"Well, we're almost to Lothlórien. . . " said Meep.  
  
"It's almost Solmath, in Shire terms, the fellowship will be there in the middle of Solmath." Said Xylia.  
  
"You know this because. . . ." said Näkuri.  
  
"I read the book!" said Xylia, holding up FOTR. Aura, her horse, neighed.  
  
Then, there was this random voice. "Save the chickens!" So, they all sat down and had some rutabaga.  
  
Then Sauron randomly came out of the shadows. "MUAHAHA! I shall kill Frodo and redeem the ring! . . . . does anyone know where they went?"  
  
"Why should I tell you?" asked Xylia.  
  
"I don't know." Said Sauron. "Because I'm a dark lord?"  
  
"not good enough." Said Näkuri.  
  
"People these days, tut-tut." Said Sauron, who then was slowly walking away.  
  
"Hey, he's cute!" said Cordelia.  
  
"I saw him first!" said Sofia.  
  
"Uh, Sofia? I am your father. . . ." said Sauron.  
  
"NOOO! No, no wait, you're right." Said Sofia.  
  
"Of course! Because I am Sauron!" said Sauron.  
  
"So, Sauron, have you ever gone out with someone related to you?" asked Sofia, batting her eyelashes.  
  
Sauron left. "I think I hear Saruman calling . . . ." Then he came back to say something. "Actually, I have. You're mother." Then he left again.  
  
"EWW!" said everyone, including Sofia.  
  
Then, they all sat down to do Xylia's algebra homework because she didn't understand the "FOIL" method.  
  
"It's first, outside, inside, then last!" said Sofia.  
  
"Oh! I get it now!" said Xylia.  
  
Then a voice could be heard throughout the. . . . . uh. . . . place. . . . "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL!" and they sat down to have some Swiss chocolate, and there was much rejoicing . . . . again. . . . then they all skipped, and, before they noticed, were at Lothlórien. But of course, they were skipping so fast that it tore a hole in the time space continuum and therefore making them go forward a fortnight. It was the thirteenth Solmath. They had come when the Fellowship had. 


End file.
